First Date: Starbucks, Rituals or D Punch Man?

 

You have been Texting, Whatsapping, Facebook Messengering, Tweeting, Linkedin Messaging, IG DMing or using a pigeon to communicate with this person who you are attracted to for the last two months and she has finally agreed to go out with you.

Where do you go and what do you do?                                                                                  This is the age-old question for most men (and a growing number of women as well).

A messenger pigeon.

I too began to reflect upon this question, whilst perusing twitter two nights ago. During this period, when I was supposed to be asleep, I encountered the wild debate as to whether one should take their date to Rituals or Starbucks, to which my response is:

“Take her to Harry’s Punch in Curepe and then test her stomach with fine dining from Sauce doubles (with roast pepper).”

 

 

 

 

 

“Maybe daz not the best option”

However a great option would be to place more focus on the sentiment, conversation and effort as opposed to the economic value or even the location. Sometimes simplicity trumps complication and we should learn to enjoy the simpler things in life.

Simply put, these are some of the thoughts that immediately came to my mind after this debate sparked:

 

1. Why a franchise for the first date?

Globalization has brought with it many positives but also an array of negatives. One such negative being a sub-conscious anti-local sentiment that stems from a pop culture routine that strays from who we are at our core. I am all for having a Starbucks or a Rituals but only when there are no other options available. Our first thought should immediately be to support a local small coffee shop or business, especially for a first date. (Yes I know Rituals is local, but they are a massive franchise).

Let us develop a new culture as a young,energetic and vibrant youth population and move towards supporting small businesses and cafes like “Chocolate Bar Café” in Santa Cruz or “Veg Out” in UWI. In the long run, it will help with economic stability and potential economic growth. It also helps to maintain the entrepreneurial drive in our society and encourages more people to enter into the micro business sector. As Earl Lovelace says the city is “a place that granted you only what you were willing to claim” It is about time that we reclaim our local culture.

  Art work inside of Veg Out UWI. A small cafe with a great ‘family vibes.’

“d small local business man does support d other small local business man.”

In addition to this, I have experienced excellent personalized service at many of these small businesses and coffee shops. An encouraging compliment from the owner, Tanty Gloria, to your date, can help boost the conversation and even the comfort on this first interaction.  “Ah Compliment from Tanty could make yuh date relll happy”

                                                                #SupportLocal

 

2. “Women should not take out men because it makes them less manly.”

Here we see toxic masculinity once again “gallivanting itself”  but also a pride that makes you weak and potentially a very poor man, both monetarily and with matters of the heart. If a woman has the resources and is willing to take you out, why not?     I have been taken on dates by women on many occasions and my masculinity is still very much intact. I appreciate a woman who makes the first step. Especially when she goes after what she wants. Judith Butler speaks to the idea of gender performativity and gender norms. It is about time that we begin to flip the script and change the expectation when it comes to gender performance in certain contexts.

 

 

Side Note: What is my common practice on a date?

• If I ask her out, I offer to pay the entire bill.
• If she asks me out, I offer to split the bill. However in most cases, they insist on paying the full bill and I let them.

There is nothing wrong with an independent woman paying the bill on a date; especially if she earns more than you. So don’t make that an issue. Strip away your ego and pride, and enjoy the meal and the conversation.

 

3. “I ain’t saying she is a gold digger, but she ain’t messing with no broke.”

There are some people who must be treated a certain way or taken to the best restaurant on the first date. This gold digger mentality goes both ways and is not gender specific. To this ideology I say “humble it.” Sometimes some of the best experiences you will have on a date; is a simple conversation on a park bench.

 

 

4. “You ain’t entitled to sex or even a kiss!”

Imagine being on a first date, you’ve just spent an excessive amount of money, you have the expectation of sex and you quote the famous love poet Kartel and invite her to “come inna yuh romping shop.” Immediately following this you ask her to kiss you and she says No.

At that point, you should raise your hand and.. hit her with… a handshake because No means No. You are not entitled to anyone no matter how well you think the date went and regardless of your expectations. If you are horny and you don’t GT, go home and entertain yourself like a chessboard…with porn.

You are not entitled to anyone’s body no matter how much you spend on the date or how well you think it went. R- E- S –P- E- C -T.

 

 

In conclusion, it does not matter the place or the cost but rather the quality of the person. A great conversation discussing mutual interests, social issues and the ups and downs of life, is far better than an expensive meal, in a “high cultured” restaurant with the expectation of sex after. If your goal after a first date is sex, then you are forgetting the joy of the journey and the beauty of developing a flourishing relationship.

Put the cost aside and enjoy the ride.

 

SIDE NOTE:

Some people make very inappropriate compliments on a first date.

Here are a list of appropriate compliments that I made up (No copyright):

• `”Yuh like the X in Crix without you I will cry. “
• “You are like a cup of freshly brewed coffee, hot to the lips and you energize me.”
• “You are like a coconut. You make me jelly”
• “You are like a barbwire fence, I just can’t get over you.”
• “You are like a $25 dollar special from KFC, you the supa deal.”

 

Have fun dating,

Darrion Narine

IG: darrion_d_actor

Twitter: @Theatrics868